Fried Potatoes and Cornbread

Current Mood: Sickly

I received bad news this week. I was diagnosed with Epilepsy. It was not a shock, not something that came upon me all of a sudden, there has been a couple of months of testing and several years of feeling terrible. In April of 2005 I had my first ever migraine, strange since I am 54 years old and had been migraine free all of my life. I have always had headaches, but they were diagnosed as “tension headaches”, now I am not so sure. I was put on Topamax, at the time touted as a new miracle drug for migraines, but actually a drug most often prescibed for seizures. Now we know why my Epilepsy was not caught until recently. I took myself off Topamax about a year ago..I ran out and simply did not start back. I have gotten way ahead of myself…lets back up to 2005.

The Topamax took care of the migraines (and the seizures that we were not aware of), but I began experiencing intolerable pain in my neck and back. Progressivley it became worse, traveled the length of my spine…I had excruciating pain beginning at the occipital region of my skull all the way to my tailbone. I received a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia, but I knew all along that there was more, I knew there was pain in my bones as well as my muscles. I went from doctor to doctor seeking someone that would find out what was wrong with me. I know the doctors began to think it was all in my head, but what they neglected to do was run tests. Finally, I did find a doctor that treated the pain…at least I was no longer in intolerable pain, however I still had pain, but it eased it…I will never be pain free. I was happy with this much. He also diagnosed Spondylitis, Spondylosis, an extreme spinal arthritis and Spinal Degeneration. After leaving the abusive relationship I was in, I finally relented to go to therapy and have also been diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar Depression. Do you think I have enough wrong with me? Currently, the Epilepsy is of most concern to me because there is no cure, it is not controlled, and in some cases can never be. It also causes extreme flucuations in depression and insomnia (which is a part of my depression). Okay, on to how this surfaced….About a year ago I started dropping things and having spells where I would “lose time”, and seem to drop off to sleep. I mentioned it, but did not think it was serious until approximately 5 months ago. I began having difficulty driving. I would “go out” briefly, feeling as if I was going to sleep at the wheel. This became worse, my back pain became worse as well. My doctor decided full tests and referrals were in order. I had a sleep study…no apnea. Blood test…nothing significant. MRIs…Jackpot! We found Spinal Stenosis, which explains three years of excruciating back pain. I have bone spurs from my neck to my tailbone with only a region in my thoracic spine clear, a bulging and leaking disc, synovial cysts, desentegrating facets, and fused vertebrae. Little wonder I was in pain! But this did not explain the dropping off and a what seemed to be symptoms of a stroke, a brain MRI would. It showed lesions on my brain. That led to the referral to the neurologist. He did every tests possible and although they misplaced my first EEG and I had to go 2 months without the diagnosis, we finally did get it. It may not be good news, but it is an answer to all these things that have been going on..I know why and I know I am not going crazy…I was beginning to wonder. I will write more, there is so much that has happened in a three year tine span. I am not stabilized at this point, but I will keep you all informed.

April 9, 2008 Update:

Let me mention at the beginning of this (and forgive me if I already have), the medication, Topamax, that I am taking for the Epileptic seizures has many side effects, most of which wear off in time. It causes memory loss, I “lose words”…you know trying to find that specific desciptive word, confusion, and a few other pleasant things…I tell you this so that if I tsay something 2, 3, or even 4 times you will understand why. Like I said, many of these will improve once my system adjust to the medication. If any of you that are reading this are not well, you not at times it takes effort to write, so this is very encapsulated. I love writing though, it has always been a form of relaxation, expression, and enjoyment for me. But for this post, I have packed three years into this short history. What you read above only hit the high (or low) spots and I still left a whole lot out. This is actually an edit because I knew I had not proofed this the frist time. The epilepsy, or something seems to play havoc with my vision. I easily get blurred and hazy vsiosn and I beleive it triggers seizures.  I have always taken so much pleasure in my computer, but I have noticed I am having some difficulty reading…the print is blurry. I guess I may be spending too much time here??, but I always have and I sure do enjoy it. I talked with the optometrist at Sams and he said he could make me a pair of work station glasses. That sounds like what I should do. This is getting long, I should have started a new post…Sorry!

 I am still waiting on my disability. I know….unbelievable! For those of you that don’t understand the process…I filed in May of 2005 with a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia (FM). Unfortunately those doctors were not thorough and did not do adequate testing to determine what my problems truly were so I was denied, even though some people are approved on FM, few are, which is so unfair.  I applied a second time, but unfortunately stayed with the same doctors, because they did do some x-rays and blood work so I thought maybe they were going to find my problem. X-rays were not the diagnostic tool needed for my problems.  I was denied my disability again, but actually I was feeling even worse.  At this time I went to an attorney who specializes in disability cases and he took my case, recommended my switching doctors (which I had already done), and he filed for a hearing , which is the next step in the disability process. The first two times a panel in Raleigh reviews your case, the next time it goes to a hearing office to schedule an appointment to appear before a judge. While the case is in this office it remians drawered, only to be opened when my attorney sends updates to add to the file. The judge or staff does not look at the case or make any determination while the case is awaiting hearing. We filed for my hearing two years ago March 9, 2006. The entire disabilty system is terribly flawed. There is a backlog of cases causing waits of anywhere from 24 to 30 months. I did get a letter recently telling me I had been assigned a judge, hopefully this is good news. I see Dr. McLean tomorrow, he is a pain management and physical rehabilitation doctor, and the doctor that I finally found that helped me and knew I was sick. He treated me several years, found new diagnosis, but had no reason to suspect a brain problem. I was on the Topamax until approximately a year ago and even then, as new symptoms appeared, we thought they might be caused by one of the other illnesses. Finally when it became apparent that it was a possibility I was having seizures, he decided the brain MRI was needed. He is the one that ordered all the tests that revealed these problems…I think so very much of him. He has believed in me from the very beginning. He has Ankylosing Spondylitis, something similar to one of my diseases, and he knows what it is like to suffer. He has done all my referrals and I have him to thank for finding the specialists that have finally gotten to the bottom of my problems.

I will close for today and keep you updated as to my progress. I do have some good news! I am going to Michingan to see Cagney and Alison! I leave on April 21st…I am so excited!!!! I have seen very, very little of him since he left to go up there last June. He came home once for a few days in early October, but with all the people he had to see I got him for about 9 hours, lol. He did spend the night with us, but they were sleeping then, that does not count (I do like to have him wake up there though, so this was good :-). He was home on December 26th for 9 hours total, I got 3 waking hours of those …better than none though! But, now, I will be in Lake Petoskey for 5 days, with 3 full days to visit, play, and see the sights. He says it is a beautiful place, like Blowing Rock on the water. I mentioned in my other post that it is on Lake Michigan. I am happy he will be coming home for graduate school! I can’t remember if I mentioned this, but a little repetiton will not hurt when it comes to him. (This blog is mainly for family, although it is linked to some other blogs so it could be read by others…I doubt it though, when they see the content they will probably move on, so feel free to comment if you like). He is going to graduate school to get his Masters of Fine Arts which will enable him to teach on the college level. He wants to teach Film Studies and continue to direct, produce, and film his documentaries. UNC-G has offered him a Merit Based Fellowship which provides him an Assistantship  (he will probably teach) and this pays him a yearly stipend to be paid out monthly. In addition to this, his tuition will be covered as well. Pretty fantastic opprortunity! I know I mentioned this in the other post, but Alison is moving back and will be looking for a job in her field. They plan to marry when he finishes graduate school. I like her very much! They are well suited for one another, she is intelligent, a hard worker, level headed, a beautiful young woman, and very good to him…that is all I could ask for. I will bring home pictures and post them here so that you can see everyone…well, at least them, lol.

I am ending this time. Take care and hope to hear from you soon…..Kim

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    There is more than one thing, but there is one person that definitely does it everytime I hear his voice, see his face, or actually, I can just think about him and a smile comes to my face. Who could do that, you might wonder? It is my son, Cagney. He has been on this earth all of 23 years, an old soul in a young body. He reminds me of some of the guys I knew during my college days, in those years of unrest they were politically incorrect, highly intelligent, but openly opinonated men (my father called them hippies). If I am going to be honest about his attributes, I also need to add that he is a responsible, intelligent, compassionate, down to earth, stable individual. I am sure you are thinking I am somewahy prejudiced in my opinion of him??? You know not!!. Currently he is living in Michigan and I have seen very little of him in the past year. Luckily this will soon be rectified…I am going up for a visit! I am looking forward to the trip. It will be my first visit to the Lake Michigan area. They live in Lake Petoskey, Cagney tells me it is a beautiful little resort town. I said they, did you catch that? I have not mentioned Alison yet, but it was not because I was not thinking about her. She is his girlfriend, a lovely young woman that I like very much. Actually, I could not have picked a nicer person! I am impressed with her generosity, intelligence, and in them as a couple. How much luckier could a mother be??? I honestly am very happy for them, in the happiness they have found. I have found out recently that they are moving back to NC in August. I could not be happier! Cagney will be attending graduate school at UNC-G for his Masters of Fine Arts and Alison will continue her work in event and wedding planning. They are both graduates of Wake Forest University and Alison went on to Johnson and Wales Culinary School to obtain her degree in Baking and Pastry Arts. I am very anxious to see both of them! I have missed Cagney very much, it was unusual to go this long without seeing one another.  I have seen him only briefly, very briefly, for approximately 2 days in almost a year’s time. It has been sort of hard on me! I do know one thing for certain though, when he and Alison get home, there is one meal that is certain to be Cagney’s first request….little could make me happier than to pull out my old cast iron skillet when I hear those words, “Mom, would you fix Fried Potatoes and Cornbread!”

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Current Mood: Esctatic

Welcome to your new blog Kim! I hope you like it. You can play with and learn how to do wordpress and blogging here at this site if you’d like to. Notice the address of this blog. It is kimsblog and then dot and then blue licorice dot com. That is called a subdomain. I added a new subdomain for you to have this blog.

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